“Who’s on first, what’s on second, and I don’t know’s on third”
By Sean at 17 September, 2008, 3:50 pm
The New York Times has published the transcripts of Georgia’s “evidence” that Russia started the war. You can even get your own .pdf version to share with your friends! As for the whether this transcript amounts to any evidence at all, I leave that to you.
What these recordings say to me is that this so-called “Russian invasion” was a sorry example for one that was supposedly planned for months. Having a South Ossetian officer say “Who do you want me to shoot? It’s impossible to go outside. I’m standing in the toilet on one leg” during fighting only to get ” Well then fart them out of there. O.K., talk to you later.” in response should go down in the annals of wartime’s greatest outtakes. Clearly, the Ossetians had no clue who was where, what they were doing, and when they were supposed to do it. Much of it is pure comedy. Almost like Abbott and Costello’s famous “Who’s on First?” bit.
I have two favorite moments. The first is between the Military Observer and Peacekeeper from Aug. 8, 2008, 03:02.10.
PEACEKEEPER: Hello
MILITARY OBSERVER: How are you?
PK: (Aside) Hook up your radios or else we’re all going to be [expletive deleted].
MO: What did you turn on?
PK: No, I’m not talking to you. (Aside): Yes, otherwise we’ll be [expletive deleted]…
MO: Hey, listen, I’m asking, how are you?
PK: Well, [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted]. But we’ll come up with something.
I don’t know why the NY Times doesn’t think we’re old enough to read expletives. I guess we can play Mad Libs.
I also like this one I alluded to above between an Ossetian Border Guard and a South Ossetian Official from Aug. 8, 2008, 03:12.32:
OSSETIAN BORDER GUARD: Hello
SOUTH OSSETIAN OFFICIAL: Who is this?
OBG: Who am I?
SOO: Ahh, Edik.
OBG: Yeah?
SOO: Well, what’s going on? Has anyone finally gotten down there?
OBG: Gotten down where?
SOO: Has anyone gotten down there to our side with equipment?
OBG: Yes, yes, don’t speak about this over the phone?
SOO: Is anything moving? Is the armor there?
OBG: Yes, yes, yes, everything is there?
SOO: How long is it going to take them? What? Are they going to arrive when the city is
already [expletive deleted] destroyed?
OBG: Don’t be afraid. Keep firing.
SOO: Who do you want me to shoot? It’s impossible to go outside. I’m standing in the
toilet on one leg.
OBG: (Laughing) Well then fart them out of there. (Phone rings) O.K., talk to you later.
SOO: You call us for God’s sake.
OBG: They’ve left already.
SOO: And?
OBG: They are heading there.
SOO: Many of them?
OBG: Yes.
I’m assuming that the crux of Georgia’s evidence is this conversation between a border guard at headquarters in Tskhinvali, and the duty officer at the Roki Tunnel, intercepted Aug. 7, 2008, 03:52.13:
DUTY OFFICER: I’m listening?
BORDER GUARD: Hello.
DO: What?
BG: Did you just call?
DO: Yes.
BG: What is your surname?
DO: Gassiev
BG: Gassiev.
DO: Yes?
BG: Listen, has the armor arrived or what?
DO: The armor and people.
BG: They’ve gone through?
DO: Yes, 20 minutes ago; when I called you, they had already arrived.
BG: Was there a lot of armor?
DO: Yes. Tanks, BMPs and BDR(m)s. Everything.
BG: And that guy who came up to you, who was that?
DO: When? [INAUDIBLE] The surname is Kazachenko. He’s a colonel.
BG: What?
DO: Kazachenko is his surname. He’s a colonel.
BG: Good, good. O.K. Call the 103rd; he’s saying something different. I mean the 102nd.
You are saying one thing, and he is telling us something else. Call the 102nd and tell him.
DO: He just called me, and I told him everything.
BG: Well, call him anyway, and after that have him call me.
DO: O.K., understood.
BG: Bye.
Is this all the Georgians have? This is their smoking gun? This evidence is hardly an endorsement for the Columbia Law program.
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Kazachenko, of 135th?
Like, the same 135th a captain of which gave an interview about observing the bombardment of Tskhinvali around the midnight of 7th?
Sweet.
This was something I brought up on your last post here, but got buried among other comments. My question exactly: Is this all they’ve got?
Saakashvili has repeatedly claimed, not only that there was a large force of Russian vehicles coming through the Roki Tunnel, but that was the “tipping point” in his decision to launch his offensive into South Ossetia, and attacked shortly after hearing about it.
However, the timing of the first two conversations is 20 hours before the Georgian attack, meaning that whatever size the Russian force was, it was there (presumably in Java) all day on the 7th. I find it highly unlikely that Saakashvili would not have learned about this, if it was big and significant as he now claims, until 11:00 at night. Why didn’t he bring it up during the day on the 7th?
I agree with you that this is not convincing evidence, at least in terms of Saakashvili’s account of the start of the conflict.
Munich, Knife, Putin
In a live broadcast of the show “Phenomenon,” which features magicians and mind-readers, Alexander Char, a self-proclaimed telepath, swore that he could plant the plot of a detective story in the minds of audience members merely by looking them in the eye. The story, Char said in the Sept. 5 broadcast, had already been put on paper and locked in a safe, and now he would telepathically relay to three spectators three key details of the crime: the murder weapon, the place of the crime and the name of the perpetrator. The first two participants answered “knife” and “Munich,” respectively, responses that Char’s assistant dutifully wrote down on what appeared to be a dry-erase board. Char then asked a third spectator to name the perpetrator. “Tell me the name of a famous person not in the auditorium,” he said. After a long deliberation, the young man answered, “Putin,” prompting a burst of laughter and applause from the audience.
Char gave his assistant the go-ahead to write down the response, resulting in a curious combination of words staring out at viewers: “Knife. Munich. Putin.”
It was only a matter of seconds before the host, Denis Semenikhin, rushed in from offstage, his earpiece visible, informing the startled telepath that he was being told the use of the prime minister’s name was unacceptable. “This is simply inappropriate,” Semenikhin said. Confusion reigned for several seconds while the host, the psychic and the assistant tried to figure out what to do. Attempts to erase Putin from the board proved futile, and the eventual solution only seemed to make things more awkward. Putin’s first name was acceptable, they agreed, and was subsequently written at the bottom of the list, which now read: “Knife. Munich. Putin. Vladimir.” When Char read the list aloud, he omitted the third line.
So you see the propaganda war has started. What kind of objective opinion are you going to get out of Russia, if the people are afraid to speak their minds.
As Dekker said, do not feed the troll.
Also some informations on the Spiegel:
http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,578273,00.html
The article is Spiegel is a bunch of Rubbish.
“The article is Spiegel is a bunch of Rubbish.”
If you are wittily attempting to imitate German orthography, as I am sure you are, the first letters of “article” and “bunch” should be capitalized as well as that of “rubbish.” It’s a noun thing.
Kolya, you are indeed correct.
I prefer Gin & Tonic to a White Russian!
I submit that “standing in the toilet on one leg” is a colloquialism and thus shouldn’t be taken literally.
I submit that “standing in the toilet on one leg” is a colloquialism and thus shouldn’t be taken literally.
That makes the Times’ translation even funnier! What would be an English equivalent, if any?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7623240.stm
Georgia and Ukraine ’shouldn’t join Nato’
In a potentially significant swing of expert Western opinion, a leading British think tank has urged that Nato membership should not be granted to Georgia or Ukraine.
As Bill said to Ted in ‘Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure’, “Strange things are afoot at the CercleK dude”.
Further to Bill’s comment above:
http://wiredispatch.com/news/?id=355278
Recognise Georgian regions says Ukraine’s Crimea
78-8. Some basketball match.
In reference to “fart them out of there” (I can’t even think of a Russian analogy of this saying, maybe its an ossetian thing) I cannot help to connect it with the “Zamochit’ v sortire”. This is probably what the creators of the dialogues were trying to get at.
But seriously, can someone translate that line into Russian, so it makes sense? My Russian high school diploma has its limits.
I don’t get this “standing on one leg” phrase.I saw a quote recently by a famous Jewish rabbi,who made it “standing on one leg”.Maybe it’s taking the piss out of the Jews or whatever.I seek enlightenment.
Where did the 58th army disappear to for 20 hours? Why no attack forces from the north instead of bombing a civilian area of a city? Why did it take so long for this information to come out? Why did Georgians take the high ground around a certain city in July? Where are the satellite images that must have picked up a large mobilization in the region?