FSB Flashback from Ryazan

Posted by Sean on August 25, 2006 Leave a comment (6) Go to comments

I got this email from a friend in Ryazan the other day:

Dear Sean!

I’ve just met one friend of mine who works in FSB. He told me about your problems with FSB, when you were in Ryazan. I’m sorry that you could remember my country by this accident.

The “problems” my friend refers to was when I was visited by three men in the reading room of the Ryazan Party Archive. It’s a long story, but here is a short retelling from an email I sent to some friends at the time:

So I’m sitting in the archive today and around noon three guys walk into the reading room. They ask for me by name. Two show me identification from, I think, OVIR, the third doesn’t identify himself. They ask to see my passport, visa, and registration for Riazan. I don’t have the latter. I told them that I was registered in Moscow and they informed me that I had to be registered in every city I stay in. They then filled out a form and fine me 1500 rubles, which I have to pay at a Sperbank. The two leave and the third (unidentified guy) begins asking me all sorts of questions: When did I arrive in Russia, where did I live in Moscow, who gave me my invitation, what I was doing in Russia and in Riazan, how long was I going to be here, etc etc. He said that according to the law I had to register and if I didn’t they would deport me and prevent reentry for 5 years.

What they didn’t say was the nightmare it is to register. I knew it was a pain in the ass in Moscow. Here seems similar. My host family, god bless them, have just spent the last two hours calling everyone they know who is in the know about how to register.

It seems one of the old bitches who work in the archive ratted on me.

Oh, what I forgot to tell you both was that four days before I left Moscow, two MVD officers came to my apartment to check my registration. They didn’t have my name and simply asked if there was an American living there. Everything was okay.

At the time I figured that they do random checks on registration. Now I’m starting to believe that a neighbor ratted me out. This place can make you paranoid.

With the help of my host family, the Uskovs, I got registered the next day. After that there were no problems. Ryazan turned out to be a wonderful town. But, oh the memories! To think I’m going back there in three weeks. . .

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6 Comments.

  1. La Russophobe August 26, 2006 at 10:13 am

    By “wonderful town” I guess you mean “wonderful for a rich foreigner like me who likes to root around in Russian archives.”

    You couldn’t have meant wonderful for the starving, oppressed population living in squalor and hopeless self-inflicted misery, the ones who, unlike you, don’t have the option of leaving whenever they feel like it.

    And I doubt you’d have thought it was so wonderful if you’d spent some time in a Russian prison, which you would have done if your skin had been a different color or you had simply had a bit less dumb luck.

    Oh and, by the way, the KGB are like termites. It’s not what you see that’s the worst part, it’s what’s going on behind your back.

    Whilst in country, one assumes you won’t be doing much flying. Also, you’ll be well advised to stay out of the churches. Vaya con dios!

  2. Andy August 26, 2006 at 11:46 am

    You’re in a cheery mood this morning, Monsieur…

  3. La Russophobe August 27, 2006 at 11:54 am

    Oh oui oui Madame, certainment, or else I’d also have sarcastically mentioned the army of satisfied foreign tourists descending on the “wonderful” city of Ryazan to enjoy its pollution, absence of entertainment and xenophobia. ;)

  4. Big Black Bear August 29, 2006 at 8:09 pm

    LR: When were you last in Ryazan?

    As my dad said: “At least we’ve gotten clean air from all those reforms, pullution problem was solved radically — factories closed, all the production stopped.”

  5. johnnie b. baker August 29, 2006 at 8:45 pm

    So you had problems in the archives from a bitter old babushka who still think its the cold war. Are you sure it wasn’t the russofope? Oops! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t provoke the caged animals

  6. La Russophobe September 8, 2006 at 10:38 pm

    JOHNNIE: Tsk, tsk, Johnnie, you said you wouldn’t mention me again. Typical Russophile liar. Am I subhuman? Gee, you reall prove how enlightened you are, not engaging in any of the animialistic tactics you accuse others of. Yup, no personal insults from Johnnie, nosireee.

    BIG BLACK: Oh, have things changed radically since 2000? Please tell us what the average monthly salary is in Ryazan, and the salary of the average school teacher. Tell us the average adult lifespan. Tell us the infection rate for AIDS. Tell us who the local residents have elected to govern them. We’d love to know about the paradise that is Ryazan. And you know all that information very well, don’t you dear?